Healing Together: From Codependency to Coregulation and Interdependence

As humans in a workplace setting, whether as an employer or employee, we inter-relate with our strengths, weaknesses, personalities, attitudes, well-being, and struggles. In workplace relationships, dependency often plays a pivotal role. The interplay between individuals in a workplace can range from healthy interdependence to destructive codependency. The journey from codependency towards coregulation and interdependence involves understanding the nuances of these concepts and how they play out in the workplace, as well as recognizing the transformative power of healing together.  

Before we dive deep into the topic, I would like to share a little story. Cindy and Ella work together at a small business where they see a lot of clients every day. Cindy has been struggling with depression for some years. Ella had a difficult childhood and easily gets triggered by other people’s feelings and energy, even when it does not involve her. When Ella learned that Cindy had started attending therapy through the opportunity provided as part of their work benefits, she, too, decided to take advantage of the program. As time passed, they started discovering some coincidences in how they now respond to situations whenever they get overwhelmed at work. They also found that rather than crossing each other’s path negatively as they used to, they would look at each other and smile as they each did similar things to calm themselves down, just as they were beginning to get “ramped up.” 

The above story underscores the power of healing together. 

Codependency

Codependency in the workplace refers to an unhealthy relationship in which one professional relies on or supports another excessively. Whether it involves the relationship between two colleagues or between an employee and a dominant employer, codependency can present challenges within a workplace environment. The roots of codependency can be traced back to early life experiences, such as dysfunctional family dynamics, trauma, or neglect. These experiences shape one's attachment style and interpersonal patterns in adulthood. Codependency could potentially affect team members’ abilities to reach their full potential and to contribute creatively to the organization. 

Some Signs You May be Exhibiting Codependency at Work: 

• Self-sacrificing: Neglecting your own needs to meet the needs of others.  
• Interpersonal control: Having an entrenched belief that you can fix the problems of others and control what they do. 
• Emotional suppression: Becoming overwhelmed by emotions due to suppressing them or having limited awareness of them. 
• Over-functioning: Volunteering to do something when your schedule is already full or devoting so much time and energy to satisfy others, leaving you little time and energy to pursue your own individuality. 
• Regularly apologizing: Habitually apologizing to coworkers could reflect a lack of self-worth or a persistent desire to please others. 
• Asking Permission: Frequently asking permission to do simple, daily tasks, thereby fueling the self-importance of your coworker. 
• Validation: Seeking external validation rather than developing self-worth from your own achievements. 

Coregulation

Coregulation represents a shift towards healthier workplace relational dynamics. It is characterized by mutual support, respect for boundaries, and emotional attunement. In the workplace, coregulation entails coworkers creating safe spaces and nurturing relationships for one another as the context for promoting the use of self-regulation skills by individual workers.  Self-regulation is the act of managing one’s own thoughts and feelings to enable goal-directed behavior. Self-awareness and emotional intelligence are important for cultivating coregulation. Coregulation fosters a sense of interdependence where individuals maintain their individuality while also nurturing their connection with their colleagues. This is fundamental to creating a healthy workplace environment where individuals can be their authentic selves.  

Interdependence

In the workplace, interdependence is the extent to which coworkers rely on each other for the functioning of their teams. It underscores the idea that we are stronger together than we are alone.  It involves give-and-take, mutual support, and shared growth. It enables individual workers to maintain a strong sense of self while prioritizing their coworkers' well-being and growth. Communication flows openly, conflicts are navigated with respect and empathy, and each party contributes to a healthy workplace environment.  

Practices for Cultivating Coregulation and Interdependence in the Workplace

• Self-Awareness: When you observe a coworker projecting unpleasant emotions, take stock of your own emotions and aim to be supportive rather than correcting and disciplining. Engaging in mindfulness practices, journaling, and self-reflection can deepen your understanding of your emotions, triggers, and patterns. 

• Emotional Regulation: Learn to identify and regulate your emotions in healthy ways, such as using relaxation techniques or seeking support from a therapist or support group. 

• Communicate Openly and Honestly: This will enable people to feel respected and validated regarding their feelings, needs, and boundaries. 

• Prioritize Boundaries: This helps protect people’s physical, emotional, and psychological well-being and promotes empathy and respect. 
   
• Emotional Support: Provide space for your coworkers to settle when stressed out. Being calm and relaxed would help them feel less threatened and more supported. Silence could be a great resource here. 

• Problem-solving: By being mindful of your body language, tone of voice, and emotional state, you can create a secure and non-judgmental space for your coworker to self-regulate. Afterwards, you can both work together towards appropriate options and agree on workable decisions.   

Healing Together

In the workplace, healing together entails people’s willingness to confront past wounds, challenge maladaptive patterns, and foster a culture of accountability and mutual support. Moving from codependency to coregulation and interdependence is a profound journey of self-discovery, growth, and relational evolution. It requires courage, vulnerability, and a commitment to personal and collective healing. By embracing interdependence over codependency, we are freed to enjoy the transformative power of healing together. Therapeutic interventions such as individual and group counseling can provide invaluable resources along this journey.